Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Why You Should Never Present Me With Hypotheticals--Sad Fan Fic Post (I'm Warning You Now So You Can Avoid It!)

So, Star Wars Books, the page that Del Rey maintains for promoting the novels on Facebook, does a fun thing every couple of weeks.  They present crazy versus situations and allow the fans to vote on who would win.

https://www.facebook.com/starwarsbooks

I am a nerd.  I admit this.  It's the first step in dealing with a problem.

Every once in a while one of these duels compels me to put way too much thought into it, and you can see one of the results below:




“We have located the Personality Resonance Matrix that was lost during the Clone Wars.  You will initiate the exercise we discussed all of those years ago.”

The Kaminoan tech, exiled for so long on Wayland, reflected on the words of the Emperor as she attempted what had never been successfully done before . . . encoding the entire personality of a subject and placing that personality into a fully developed clone, effectively resurrecting the individual.

The experiment was far more interesting than comparing the relative merits of traditional Kamino cloning facilities versus the newer Spaarti Cloning devices.



Jango had a huge gap in his memory.  He remembered training the ARC Troopers in the War Games center of Kamino, wearing the uncomfortable technological crown they had given him to wear, and telling him to keep in on for a least a week to “attune” the device.

Now he was on a planet in the middle of nowhere, told to guard a facility he knew nothing about, even as he was promised that he would eventually be brought back “home” to his apartments and his son, Boba.



The bounty hunter known as Boba Fett was unceremoniously dropped on the mysterious planet.  He was told only that we as being employed to test the security of a secret facility, and that he was not allowed to know where he was going, but that the job would be worth the trouble.

Jango spotted the figured coming out of the jungle.  If he wasn't carefully scanning the entire horizon, looking for any movement, he would have missed the figure coming out of the jungle.  Mandalorian armor.  Wookiee braids.  Customized symbols.  Dented and scratched.  If the armor belonged to it's current wearer, he would be dangerous.  Jango had spent years studying many kinds of opponents, and he knew how to approach a Mandalorian in combat.  If his opponent wasn't a Mandalorian, he would have to adapt his strategy.

Coming out of the jungle, the bounty hunter was dubious of what he was seeing.  Visually, he was facing the legendary bounty hunter, and clone trooper template, Jango Fett.  But Jango Fett had died the same day the Clone Wars began.  This couldn't be Jango.  But where Jango was involved, clones were often involved.  Could this be another clone?  Perhaps one tailored to think it was Jango?



Jango realized he was spotted and had to act.  He launched himself into the air, igniting his jet pack, and strafing the edge of the woods with his twin pistols, which he drew and fired before his opponent could go for his EE-3 blaster rifle.  Still, the armored intruder was fast, and he rolled behind the cover of a felled tree before any of Jango's shots could find their target.  Despite that, Jango and narrowed the direction that the intruder would come at him.

The bounty hunter fired his wrist rocket as he rolled for cover.  He intentionally fired wide of of the Jango look alike.  Jango clearly realized that he bounty hunter didn't have a clear line on him, and wasn't paying attention when the rocket flew wide to the side of him.  “Jango” didn't notice the gel seeping into his armor, and more importantly, his jetpack.

Jango was about to land just to the side of the tree trunk that the intruder used for cover, which should flush the intruder out right in line for his catch line to fire out at his opponent.  Suddenly, he could feel the loss of power in his jetpack.  Jango angled towards the ground, still keeping a line of sight on the intruder, and rolling as he made contact with the ground, coming out of his roll with both blaster pistols trained on the intruder, who now had nothing between Jango's blaster and his own flesh except the worn Mandalorian armor he wore.

This “Jango” seemed to be very authentic.  If he was as close to the original as he seemed, the bounty hunter would have a hard time winning the firefight.  At this range, Jango was especially deadly with his blaster pistols, and he would fire them fast enough that at least a few bolts would find the weak points in his armor.  But if this “Jango” as as authentic as he seemed, the bounty hunter had an idea how to win this fight.



The intruder hip shot his EE-3 towards Jango, and was surprisingly accurate with the shot.  Jango lost his shot for a second as he angled is body away from the shot, depriving him of a clear shot for his second blaster, and halving the number of shots that the intruder had to dodge.  Despite this adjustment, Jango tagged the intruder in the shoulder, chest plate, and just above the knee.  The knee shot seemed to have hit home, because the intruder dropped to his other knee and grunted in pain.

Jango moved in closer, flamethrower primed.  The burns should work their way around the intruder's armor, and even if the fire didn't kill him, it would throw him off his stride long enough for Jango to pick out a few more weak spots on his armor to place blaster bolts.  He noticed that the intruder had a jetpack as well.  He hadn't used it yet, but suddenly it seemed as if he was priming it.  Too late he noticed the flashing light on the ground halfway between him and the intruder.

The bounty hunter knew that he couldn't remind Jango that he was also carrying a jetpack too soon, or his ruse wouldn't work.  Now he was close enough to trigger the jetpack.  He could ignore the pain in his knee.  He had intended to feign an injury as soon as his armor took a hit, but this false Jango Fett was as good with his blaster as the real one.  The bounty hunter flew back and a slight upwards angle, mainly firing the jet pack for distance.  He was a bit off balance, but he could recover, and the bumps and bruises would be worth it.



Jango realized that the flashing object was a thermal detonator.  The blast radius would be too great for an off hand toss to save him.  No cover within range would have anywhere near the structural integrity to stave off the force of the blast.  He knew it was malfunctioning, but his only option was to trigger the jetpack and hope that he still had enough control over the damaged device to save his life.

Halfway out of the blast radius the gel once again disrupted the control circuits, and the jets cut out.  Jango hit his shoulder hard, and the pain shot through his brain.  Jango was always good and pushing the pain back down and finishing the job, but this time, the flash and heat caught up with him, and this particular Jango Fett would never have to worry about pain ever again.

The bounty hunter known as Boba Fett hit his hip on a rock, rolled, and slammed his shoulder into a tree, but still managed to roll and get on his feet almost immediately.  He took a breath, looked at the devastation, and realized his gamble had worked.  Jango had always been too reliant on his jetpack.

The bounty hunter straightened his shoulders, stood up, and began to walk towards the extraction point. He treated his jetpack like any other tool in his arsenal.  He was sure as long as he only used his jetpack sparingly and when it was least expected, he'd never have to worry about the same kind of fatal equipment failure that plagued Jango.

1 comment:

  1. Not a bad attempt at fan fiction. And the scenario makes sense between the two.

    ReplyDelete