Friday, March 27, 2015

Perspective

Every so often I make a post on the old blog that points out that I just spout stuff here.  I don't think I have particularly compelling insight or even a talent for saying the mundane in an entertaining way.  I blog because it's a way to get the ideas out of my head and carve them somewhere, so I can go back and look at them later on.  When I forget something that I wanted to write down, post, or blog, no matter how ultimately trite or pointless, it bothers me until I can remember it.  The blog is just a set of milestones to remind me of where my brain has wandered.

Given my current lack of gaming, I started to look back to the past, and my gaming interaction with the internet in years gone by.  It's hard for me to do what without looking at all of the articles I posted on Candlekeep.

I'm going to post links here.  Not because they are good, or because you should read them.  Unless you really don't have anything better to do, avoid them.  There isn't anything here that any gamer or fantasy fan could have come up with, lots that nobody should have come up with, and the whole could have been expressed in ways far more polished and eloquent.  Again, for the sake of my brain, and my need to gather synaptic trinkets in one place, I kind of want to see them all together.

Mistledale Campaign Journal

Candlekeep Compendium (Stumphill)

Candlekeep Compendium (Village of Glen)

Candlekeep Compendium (Blackglass Spellglobe)

Candlekeep Compendium (The Seven Scrolls of Nuthmerkuld)

Of Conquests in Luiren

A Disturbing Pattern--A History of the Vashar

Anatomy of an Apocalypse

All of Those "Races of" Conversions That I Did

Jergal's Tooth

Linnorms in the Realms

Ferrous Dragons in the Realms

Kostchtchie: A History in the Realms

Kara-Tur Shaking Events

Cult of the Broken Prophesy

Guardians of the Lost Tyrant

The Region of Dreams

Legends of the Magus Progenitor

Legend of Iakhovas

The Forbidden Enclave


Man, that's a lot of stuff.  A lot of gaming down time, and working 12 hour shifts, and having days off during the week.  A few good ideas, none of them great, and the whole lot of them unrefined.

I never thought I was a brilliant creator.  I did think I was more creative than I really was.  Looking back I really just found new rules and stapled Forgotten Realms lore to them, often in painfully tortured syntax.

I greatly enjoyed the time I spent at Candlekeep in those days.  I had good conversations, and I felt like I belonged to something.  I felt like I could share my love of the Realms with other people, and it was a good thing.

That said, I cringe now looking back on anyone that patted me on the back for these articles.  Any GM wanting to convert rules to a specific setting could have done what I did, and more succinctly.  It's one of those things that makes me feel like a fraud without intentionally trying to be a fraud, which is a feeling I get a lot.

Because I worked on something for 20 hours and posted a bunch of paragraphs with bold headers, people would congratulate me.  Twenty hours working on what is essentially a 10 minute conversion is just a lot of wasted time and self-delusion.

But for some reason, looking back over a history of gaming, I wanted to see all of these things that I wrote, and collect them unto myself.  I guess the main things I wonder are these:

How much do I trick people into thinking I'm smarter, more talented, or more worthwhile than I am, and how do I stop it?

How much could I have accomplished if I could have paired my ability to pound away on a keyboard for hours and hours if I actually had some creativity or discipline, or both, to make something truly worthwhile.

To everybody that has created content that has inspired me over the years, thank you for what you have done.  You deserve the pat on the back, and the best I have usually managed by way of thanks is throwing a few dollars your way.

1 comment:

  1. Remove the last two tags ("lack of ability" and "my sad attempts at fiction").

    Jared, you know darn well that you were and still are well-loved at Candlekeep. People saw you cared about the setting, brought things in in a way that tied with existing CK and FR lore, and generally were a good steward with how you treated the world.

    When you left... it left a gap that wasn't filled (and, I'll argue, still isn't filled).

    As an artist, fellow GM, and person who does not always speak well, I can say unequivocally, you are bringing yourself down with a clouded mind. The clouds need to clear and you need to realize that 20 hours, is work and care towards something you want to do. Your earliest postings were not as polished as later things, but you improve constantly, and you have the gift for words. You should not be telling yourself anything otherwise.

    Also: Grim would like a second Jergal's Tooth, please (if only to get another campaign started!).

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