Wednesday, January 10, 2018

In An Alternate Reality, This Already Happened To A Version Of Me I'm Jealous Of

This is going to sound weird, and arrogant, because who the Hell am I, but I've finally reached a point where I could tell you exactly what I want to do as a career, it's just extremely unlikely I'll ever live in a world where it is possible.

The Guidance Counselor in the Mirror

When I was younger, I wanted to be a writer, but I don't think I have the discipline to bang out a novel, or the imagination to construct something that isn't obviously derivative of other works. Even in the games that I run, the joy I get is in successfully executing tropes to where they "feel right," rather than coming up with something new.

Then I thought about writing for game companies, but again, I'm not sure I have the discipline to do what someone else wants me to do with a game. Also, I've seen my notes for running games, and if someone else can run a game from the notes that make sense to me, they should probably be working for a government agency in decryption. If I go too long between game sessions "I" don't know what the Hell I was talking about sometimes.

But the longer I've been writing reviews, the more I really enjoy doing it. I'm not saying I'm the greatest person in the world to be doing it. I do love it, though.

Jobs Are Scary

It's rough. There are times that I'm terrified to publish a review. I get nervous about how I changed a phrase or took something out that I didn't think was needed, and then I think that thing would have made the whole thing make sense. I cringe when I think of getting responses, and what I'll say back, and I cringe when I don't get any responses at all.

Still, I love doing it.

So, it occurs to me that I would love to do this, as a career. Not one or two reviews a month, between everything else, but full time--multiple reviews, and taking the time to run games and add that component to the reviews as well.

I would love to be able to split my time between traditional games, indie games, and having a regular "D&D beat" to boot. When we were on vacation, my wife and I even visited a few game stores on the east coast and I started contemplating what it would look like to do things like game store reviews and convention reviews.

I don't see the RPG industry being able to support this as a full-time position any time soon. I also don't know why anyone would think I was the one to do it, even if it was a thing. But I can finally tell people what I want to be when I grow up.